Already Included #52 – Superheros

By Sarah Nyhan

I can remember being elementary-school-aged and experiencing a specific event where I thought to myself something like, “It’s going to be up to me to take care of myself.”

Fast-forward a few years later when I was in high school and I created a female superhero cartoon character. She was who I aspired to be. I even created and wore a t-shirt with her logo.

Fast-forward to probably shortly after my 18th birthday and I had the logo I created for my female superhero cartoon character tattooed on me. The only tattoo I’ve ever had.

I would save myself.

I believed Jesus for eternal salvation, but probably not much more. Afterall, I incorrectly thought God’s primary emotion was anger. I had pasted the face of other adults onto God. I had projected my thoughts onto God.

I look back in hindsight and see how so many of my decisions were motivated by this drive to save myself. To do my “part”. To figure it all out.

And I hear the words ring back to me, “How’s that been working for ya?”

I look back and see how the best things in my life came as surprises. God-sent surprises. Nothing I orchestrated. Nothing I planned.

And yet it’s been such a long time coming to that realization. Decades. I’m happy for the process even when it has been painful. Maybe I would have taken the truth for granted otherwise. Maybe I wouldn’t really have understood the sweetness of being loved by God had things always been smooth sailing.

Now I am learning to let go. I am putting down my torn and tattered superhero cape. I am living loved. I am relishing the reality that I am a very loved child. That I don’t have to come to my own rescue. That’s it’s ok and to be expected that I do not and will not be able to know or figure everything out.

My motivations for my actions are thankfully changing from fear to following my heart. I can barely type those words after being oppressed in religious errors for so many decades. It feels almost wrong to say. But I experience God for myself these days. So I know it to be true.

Regardless of where you stand on the issues, 2020 has exposed the fact that many of us may have been unconsciously in the habit of defaulting to fear-based decisions. Which situations have we stayed in due to fear? Which actions have we taken out of fear?

You’d think my own track record would be enough motivation, but lately I have become aware that I have my first name to thank for the continuous reminder of how well the fear-based decisions worked for the Biblical Abraham and Sarah. Among many other recorded testimonies.

To be sure, there is never any condemnation. And Trinity never does abandonment. Holy Spirit is only ever and always in the healing business. They always go to rescue the little lambs no matter how far they wander.

But I am really tired of circling this desert of self-sufficiency and fear. How about you? I want to get on with Life. I want to experience all there is to experience. I want to stop giving any power to lies.

My prayer for 2021 and beyond is that we will all more deeply experience and know the perfect love of Trinity. So that we will be free. So that we and our world and our relationships will be healed. I think it is ours for the taking once we realize who and Whose we are and always have been.

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Already Included #50 – Divided

By Sarah Nyhan

I’m tired of giving power to fear. I’m tired of not including Trinity.

Maybe we were Created to receive Love. Maybe it’s that simple.

Maybe there is much more available to us than we realize, than we experience, because we are pathologically obsessed with our weaknesses versus resting in the absolute strength of who and Whose we really are.

What if we felt so secure in our origin and true identity that we stepped out of the boat and onto the water? What if we actually didn’t sink? What if we focused on what Jesus thinks of us versus making gods of the opinions of others and even ourselves?

What if we are the only ones that are ever coming to save us and all of Creation is groaning for us to WAKE UP!? All of Creation waits expectantly like a parent of a toddler; saying, “You can do it! You can do it! Almost there, c’mon, don’t be scared. You got this! Trinity is right here.”

What if all of heaven and Creation combined are pregnant with the expectation of being able to celebrate as we step fully into our divinity? As sons and daughters of The Divine. Kids who know their King, their Abba, and the truth of Who they belong to?

What if healing is ours for the taking? Jesus asked, “Do you want to be healed?”

What if there is no battle outside? What if the war is already won and we just need to realize it in our hearts and minds?

What if this is nothing more than a mirror (exposure therapy)? Reflecting the result of focusing on our fears versus who we always could have been and still can be?

What if we were totally secure, loved, and cared for? Would we make different decisions? Would we choose to give our power away?

We are divided in our minds, in our hearts. The outside echoes the inside. We are too long scared little children intimidated by other scared little children.

Who is your Father? Who is your Mother? Who showed us that there is nothing to be afraid of?

Is this really all there is? Is this really all we can ever be? I wager we aren’t even close. I wager we have only just begun, only just started.

The fight is only on the inside. Who will stand up? Who will run to Papa? Who will risk taking Trinity at Their Word?

Did God die or will we come aLIVE?

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Already Included #22 – Anger

(This content is also available at https://youtu.be/pNbNruxB-hk)

By: Sarah Nyhan

I’ve been thinking a lot about anger recently. Specifically about how anger seems to be highly discouraged or not encouraged in many religious circles I’ve been in. Even with this new-to-me message of everyone already being included by God in Christ.

There are several things I’ve been thinking about in regards to anger.

The first thing I was thinking about in regards to anger is wondering whether feeling safe enough to be angry at a loved one is indicative of the existence of real trust? We can pay all kinds of lip service, but do you really trust that person enough to be angry with them?

I see this in cults of personality a lot – where there is this inability to get angry with the person who is carrying the show. Then sometimes a monster continues to grow and does nobody any favors. I’m getting better at seeing it, some improvement in accepting it, and starting to give myself permission to be angry and walk away if needed.

There is such grief. We put our hope in people. Probably mostly unconsciously. Maybe there is a level of shame that keeps us from grieving when we start to see that someone is failing us. I’m not saying the shame is warranted, but there’s this feeling of loss, maybe great loss. Like if I can’t count on my mind to protect me from falling for these kind of people then how will I ever feel safe?

It’s this very hard business of learning to trust ourselves. And then what? Sometimes one more disappointment feels like it will be the break. Sometimes we just go along to get along. Something is better than nothing? Maybe for a time. I have a feeling the Life in us won’t let us get too comfortable even as we might keep things at bay by keeping our minds busy, busy.

More on anger; switching gears. Is it ok to express anger to God? To say, “God, I am angry at you? If you are so about relationship, why did you let so and so go away? I know you can do such and such, God? Why don’t you?” Etc etc etc. Do we feel safe enough with God to express our anger to Him?

I was thinking about Job. How many chapters did Job go on and on and on? It’s interesting to me that God doesn’t show up when Job is keeping busy intellectually. It’s when Job’s emotions take the wheel and he unleashes his anger, in a sense, that he finally hears God speak. Not when Job had his church clothes on with all the palatable pretty “right” answers. It feels like when Job got real and angry, that’s when God showed off for him.

In my own life, there was a time where I told God no; I was so angry with God. And just like Job, that’s where I feel like I heard and saw and experienced God the most at least for the first time in years.

I was thinking about the little children running to Jesus and Him admonishing the adults to approach Him as a child. Have you seen a little child lately? They haven’t had the fight knocked out of them. When they are angry, they express it without regard for social/culture manners.

Does Jesus mean for us to give Him even those cries in our hearts? What does that even look like? To hold us as we rage? I don’t like the opposite argument that says, “Don’t be mad at God or He’ll get you and let you have it.”

Switching gears again, I was thinking about how it is hard to get angry at the people that you value the most. Especially if those people have been maybe the only good in your world.

Again, we go back to is there the illusion of relationship or real actual trust? This scares us. Even as life is rarely yes or no and black or white, it’s too scary for me to think about getting angry with the people I love and then risk their rejection.

Avoiding the questions doesn’t make the sick feelings go away. My experience in expressing my anger has revealed even more assurance versus no hope. Understanding and deeper levels of maturity also seem to result. It’s almost as if anger is an invitation and a gift in this respect. A bridge to more intimacy if treated as such.

And finally, switching gears again. Somewhat related but maybe the different side of the coin for religious folks: anger towards those who are “getting away with” things maybe we’d like to do. Which creates quite the internal dilemma for those exiting a legal paradigm. There is a strong resistence to letting go of “rules”.

I sometimes see others experiencing anger when they see others getting away with their judgement of “sin” or scandalous freedom. Yet the anger seems to be rooted in jealousy more than in “righteousness”. And yet to live in that legal paradig is to miss the point. Let’s use an example:

Say you are married and see someone else engaging in physical relations with people they are not married to. The initial reaction might be, “This is wrong!” But maybe deeper you wish you had the freedom to act on your impulses.

Please hear me that my point is not that having premarital sex is “good” or “bad”. I’m not going to go there. That’s not the point.

The point is that it’s easier to be in a legal paradigm of telling yourself, “It’s wrong and against God for me to have sexual contact or emotional relationships with another person outside of my marriage.”

And then on the flip side, it’s almost easier to cheat on your spouse if you operate under that same legal paradigm. Because then you can objectify your spouse and consider the act of cheating as only being offensive to God. Then you don’t have to open your heart to your spouse and ask the harder questions.

However when you switch to operating through the example of The Trinity, then cheating ceases to be a legal question and then becomes relational. Without operating under law – now you have to consider your spouse’s heart. Now this person is not an object. Now love is the standard. Now it’s not about seeing what you can get away with.

Now the bigger questions come up for the brave who will go there: “Why do you want to cheat on your spouse? How would their hearts break with your cheating? How would your other relationships be impacted by the cheating? Is cheating an act of love towards everyone who would be impacted? And if I don’t care, then why not and what does that say about the current state of affairs of my relationships?” Etc etc. A goldmine for the courageous who embrace the questions.

That’s all for now.

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